I appreciate that you are willing to lend an ear. I really do.
An almost vague post is all I can handle right now though. I'm simply trading too hard to get the words out.
But thank you guys. ♥
<b></b> </b> I'm feeling as though I'm fighting off the inevitable. The inevitable being a hissy fit. I want to through things and scream. I want to tell people to just do what I want and hurry the fuck up about it.<p><b></b> I'm stuck and trapped thanks to someone being passive-aggressive and selfish.<p><b></b> For years I've been dealing with similar feelings, but in regards to being a prisoner of my illnesses. I was only just overcoming this, and planning things out to better myself and deal with everything. I was making plans, and keeping them. I never do that.<p><b></b> Now I hardly do anything. I'm so frustrated. For months my life has felt like it's in suspended animation. And it is. I'm not going any where, I'm not doing anything. I haven't made any progress. In many ways I've gone backwards.<p><b></b> I feel like a child. I'm trapped here. Almost all my belongings are in boxes. I've been living this way for almost a year. I can't do anything. I'm stripped of everything. I'm hollow. I have nothing left but empty frustration.<p><b></b> I don't feel at home. I have to leave everything to arrive at nothing.<p><b></b> I can't do anything a normal 26 year old does. I'm physically ill with stress. I can barely eat and keep down proper meals. The only time I do is when I crack and binge eat junk food. I can't exercise due to pain and the things it reminds me of. I've subsequently put on so much weight. My hoops are collecting dust. I eat, vomit, work, and sleep. That is all I do. There is nothing more. All my money goes on doctors and medications and bills. I'm an empty broken shell held together by medication, fat, and growing resentment.<p><b></b> I feel pathetic and rich in failure.<p><b></b> The passive-aggression is contagious and genetic. It sickens me and leaves me feeling like a child.<p><b></b> There are no solutions.<p><p>